提要

「mean」通常是負面的意思，本文譯為「不通情理」，是故意說反話，以開玩笑的口吻形容嚴格管教的母親。成長中的青少年，因為尚不知天高地厚，如果沒有家長老師導正方向，極可能走上岐路。

如果「不通情理」代表對孩子的營養攝取「一絲不茍」、對安全「決不妥協」、對家庭溫暖「強迫提供」的話，那不只媽媽，每個校長老師、大眾運輸駕駛，甚至便當店老闆，也都該「不通情理」才對。



We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess, our mother fixed us a dinner that was different than other kids had and we all sat down to eat it together as a family.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. People'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them,and when we would be coming home. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the "Child Labor Laws" by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, and all sorts of "cruel"jobs. I think she would just lay awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds, and life was really tough. We joked that she had eyes in the back of her head because she knew so much about us even when we didn't tell her.

She wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property, or ever arrested for any crime. And it was all her fault!

We never got drunk, took up smoking, stayed out all night, or a million other things other kids did.

Sundays were reserved for church, and we never missed once. We knew better than to ask to spend the night with a friend on Saturdays. Sunday was the time for family fun. After church we always had our big Sunday dinner at home or at Grandma's house, yum, yum.

Now that we have left home, we are all God-fearing, educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like our mom. The world just doesn't have enough mean moms anymore!



解說



我們有全世界最「不通情理」的母親，當別家的孩子可以拿糖果當早餐，我們卻必須吃麥片、雞蛋和烤麵包；當別人用百事可樂、垃圾甜點解決午餐，我們則不得不吃三明治。晚餐也一定是媽媽親自下廚，當然，也非要全家人坐在一起、規規矩矩的享用才行。

彷彿不監控，我們就會犯罪似的，母親堅持要隨時隨地知道我們的行蹤、我們的朋友是誰、都做了些什麼、何時會回家。如果告訴她「一個小時會回家」，那就只可以提早，絕對不能超過時間！

很顯然不想承認，但媽媽竟「膽敢」強迫我們當「童工」。我們得洗碗、鋪床、學習做飯、吸塵、洗衣服，還有各種「殘酷」的工作。我甚至認為，她晚上躺在床上時，還在不斷地想如何讓我們做更多的事。

母親始終堅持要我們說「完完全全的真相」，也就是對她坦誠，當我們是青少年時，她似乎能讀懂我們的心思。我們開玩笑說，她的後腦勺也有眼睛，因為即使我們什都沒說，也都瞞不過她。

朋友開車來我們家時，不可以按喇叭叫我們出去 ，他們必須到門口，讓媽能認識他們。別人十二、十三歲就約會，我們家的孩子卻非得等到十六歲才行。

因為母親，我們錯過了其他孩子可能會經歷的事情。我們從未順手牽羊、蓄意破壞，也從未犯任何罪或被捕，這「都是她的錯！」

我們也從來沒有喝醉酒、抽菸、徹夜不歸，以及享受數百萬計的孩子青春期必經的叛逆過程。

周日是教堂日，我們家從不缺席。理所當然的，也不用問「周六可否到朋友過夜」；周日也是快樂的家庭日，教堂作完禮拜後，我們會到奶奶家吃晚飯—美味無比的大餐。

現在，我們已經各自成家，我們都是敬神、有教養、誠實的成年人。我們也努力當個像媽媽那樣「不通情理」的家長。

現今的世界，「不通情理」的媽媽實在不夠多！