Last February, the famed satirist Art Buchwald was diagnosed with terminal kidney failure, given three weeks to live, and transferred to a hospice for a quiet goodbye. Then the unexpected happened. His kidneys almost miraculously started working again. The poisons in his blood that were supposed to carry him out in peaceful slumber washed out of his system, leaving instead a funny bone stunned and amused by the absurdity of the situation. It's not every day that someone flunks hospice. Seasoned author that he is, Buchwald turned the irony into a book Too Soon to Say Goodbye.
去年二月，名諷刺作家包可華被醫師診斷出末期腎衰竭，只剩三星期可活，他轉到安寧病房，準備悄悄告別人世。但接下來出現意外的轉折，他的腎臟幾乎奇蹟式的又開始恢復功能。本應讓他在睡夢中安詳離開人世的血液毒素，結果流出體外，只留下對這種荒謬情境感到震驚和啼笑皆非的幽默感。畢竟可以離開安寧病房的人並不多見，身為老牌作家，包可華記下這段反諷，結集出書《太早說再見》。
Ten months ago, he was a sad, 80-year-old man with a newly amputated leg and kidneys on the fritz. Buchwald's doctors told him he would need dialysis for the rest of his life. He tried it, but soon had enough. Despite his family's pleas, he entered a hospice facility, at ease with his choice to die naturally. And he was ever grateful for the kind, tender souls who welcomed him there, respected his decision, and helped him with what was to be his final journey.
十個月前，他還是個悲傷的八十歲老頭，剛剛截肢，腎臟也有毛病。包可華的醫師告訴他，終其一生，他必須洗腎。他嘗試接受，但很快就覺得受夠了，儘管家人再三懇求，他仍決定去安寧病房，平靜地選擇自然死亡。他很感謝那些在那裡迎接他的那些親切溫柔的看護，他們尊重他的決定，並幫他走完人生最後一段旅程。
Most people don't know much about hospice, the place. It doesn't cure; it cares, relieving physical pain and mental anguish. To Buchwald, hospice makes death less scary and dying more respectable. Most often, cancer or cardiovascular disease carries hospice patients to their end, usually in weeks. But like Buchwald, some are put on hold. "Each one of us has a telephone line to God," he says. "If it doesn't ring, you still hang around." But not forever. Buchwald left after five months. In one large study, 6 percent of hospice patients improved enough to be taken off the terminal list and sent home.
大部分人對安寧病房一知半解，這裡不提供治療，只提供照護，以期紓減病人的身心痛苦。對包可華，安寧病房使死亡較不恐怖，死亡的過程較有尊嚴。在安寧病房，多半癌症和心血管病患在幾周內就結束生命；但有些病患，像包可華，被「留下察看」。他說：「我們每個人都和上帝有個電話熱線，只要它不響，你就可以苟延殘喘一陣子。」但並非漫無止境。包可華五個月後出院。根據一項大型研究，約百分之六安寧病患身體康復到可以從病危名單中除名，出院回家。
Buchwald was shocked when the big sleep didn't come. At first he felt guilty, especially when get-well cards started to roll in. But the hospice caregivers celebrated, and he became their superstar. Before, Buchwald had been the poster boy for depression. A decade ago, he went public about his struggles with suicidal depression. He recalls poignantly how he "plunged into a terrible black inky lake." But with the help of physicians and medication, he didn't drown, and he continued to spread his mantras: "Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later."
當他並未長眠不醒時，包可華震驚莫名，一開始，他有罪惡感，尤其當祝福他早日康復的卡片如雪片飛來之際，但安寧病房看護為他慶祝，他成了他們的超級巨星。之前，包可華曾為憂鬱症代言。十年前，他公開坦承，自己為憂鬱症所苦，企圖自殺。他記憶猶新，他曾「縱身躍入一潭漆黑的湖水中」。但在醫師和藥物協助下，他未沒頂，他也繼續傳布他的真言：「千萬不要自殺，因為兩周後，你可能改變心意。」
Facing natural death, older men, particularly those in their 80s, have the highest rate of suicide. Risk factors for them notably include health issues. In fact, suicide often comes soon after they've seen a doctor. On that point, Buchwald notes the medical dearth of smiles and laughter. Look at how often doctors and nurses walk into a patient's room all serious, he says. His prescription They "need to go to Disney World to be trained."
面對自然死亡，老年人，尤其那些七老八十的人，自殺率最高，他們風險因素顯然包括健康問題。事實上，往往在他們看了醫師後不久就想自殺。就這點而言，包可華發現，醫護人員很少笑容。他說，醫師和護士步入病房時總是板著臉，他的處方？「應該把他們送到迪士尼樂園受訓」。
He thrived. But something else clicked at hospice. One volunteer told him there were two kinds of patients, the ones who are ready to go home-heaven, that is-and the ones who want to go to the office. Buchwald wanted to go to the office. After he planned his funeral, pallbearers and all, he became a philosopher, pondering the ultimate question. The answer was easy. He was put on Earth to make people laugh. "So I started up writing again and found I could write wonderfully."Perhaps as important, Buchwald is now teaching all of us how to live—and to die.
他挺過來了。但安寧病房另有一事值得一提。一位志工曾告訴他，共有兩種病人，一種已經準備回老家，也就是上天堂；另一種準備到辦公室上班，包可華仍想工作。在他籌備自己的喪禮和抬棺人等一切後事後，他變成哲學家，思考人生的終極問題，答案很簡單，他到人世走一遭，就是要逗大家笑。「所以我又開始寫作，並發現寫得很棒。」也許同樣重要的，包可華現在正在教我們如何生，如何死。（摘譯自美新周刊）